Tuesday, April 7, 2009

lukas is crushing on someone.
i am so damn sure i can taste it.

Friday, October 10, 2008


i got an anonymous text tip off that some groovy lady at the student cafe said that she thought lukas' sweater was cute.

we know she wasn't really liking the sweater, but the lukas.
it's not the bow...it's the indian....or something like that.

way to go!
they could be in love by now.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

i heard he's like...huge.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

it's just like...like....you know?

So it's been a while...

and I hate to tell you this...

but lukas is dead.

just kidding.
i've been out traveling so I haven't had much (any) work on the front lines as a spectactor to the crazy clusterfuck dance party that is Lukas' Love Life. For all I know he could be married right now. I usually wouldn't talk about myself...but because it so closely relates to lukas' impeccable love making skills, I will. I miss the HJ's. Plain and simple. The man gives a mean HJ.

Before I left I overheard him talking about the possibility of finding a few beautiful women to start farming babies with. He said something about "mad cash money all up in my pockets" and how people are dying for "some phat all-american baby-age". I thought this was a little off, but whatever.

He could be having an affair right now and I would have no way of knowing...except that I already knew before it happened. Gah. The suspense is thrilling me. Killing me. Softly.

Friday, September 19, 2008


What is new with Lukas?

Boy is building a raft. I think he is finishing it tomorrow.
He is starting school soon.
Might be making a foray into sex work in the near future (just kidding...)

I saw him doing pushups in the kitchen the other day. It was ridiculous. I could feel his muscles from the other room. They aren't big per se, but they are so defined and rock hard.

A deep background source tells me lukas has opened a line of correspondence with one of the girls from t.a.t.u. Supposedly she was stressed out from all the pressures of Moscow...something about working on a new album. They have reportedly booked a trip to havana for spring break.

I heard Lukas is really into public sex...so if you see him in public...well...

that is all for now. may your ship its be crucial.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

lukas needs this

alright, after much considerations i think this fucker is back in business.

i looked into the possibility of finding a ghostwriter for this shit.
no good. i guess i have to ghost write it myself. shipit.

we're back because lukas needs this blog.

check the timeline:

earlier - before the blog his love life was bland, at best.
less earlier - blog hits- lukas' love life gets crazy out of control gnar boots hot rolling boil.
most recent - blog ends, love life drops temp to a tepid gurgle. not gnarboots.

videostoregirl was a dead end i guess. something about emotional baggage from a previous blah blah and whatever and the only important part is that they never even hung out. dumb. now i think maybe he avoids the videostore and has a "fuck it dude" attitude about the situation.

"more than do-si-do" missed connection girl missed a square dance or something and there was a big gap in between meetings and lukas supposedly wasn't really into her or something. shut it down, no love.

peacegirl from work came to a potluck, was awkward , followed lukas around, seemed nice, texted him chilly relationshippy type stuff, fizzle, fizzle, die. nothing. i think he said something about "not really feelin' it" or something. neat. sometimes i feel like for lukas, girls are those skeet things. he just likes to shoot at them. maybe the skeets are their hearts. lukas shoots hearts. with guns. sorry peace girl, you gots shot. by lukas' wang. his anti-love wang. unsexually.

he went to the olympic national forest a week ago with philip and naomi and the benny. philip and lukas climbed to the peak of some place near boulder lake. there have been reports that a wild orgy was had on the peak of a mountain. pregnancy tests have been issued. one elk is reported to be filing suit.

i forget what else. maybe there will be some retroactive update if i am reminded. please leave any requests for specific investigative work in the comment thing. be discreet or something. i guess.

oh yeah. there is a girl that was in his class at psu who is a hot hipster or something. he saw her at paradox. why didn't he talk to her? gah. maybe next time.

you are to me as the dead are to me, dead.

how the fuck do i make pictures happen in the middle of shit and stuff?

Friday, August 15, 2008

oh no.

i think this blog is too edgy and ahead of its time. 

i apologize to all the innocents who shed blood to make this possible.
you died in vain. 

move along, there's nothing to see here.